Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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