You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
