Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
