i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
