Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
