..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
