escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
