The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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