My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
