I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
