I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
