Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
