I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
