these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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