I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
