R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
