This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
