What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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