i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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