drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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