my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
