i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Be still, my beating vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
