p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
