Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
did you just send me my own nude
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
