fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This baby is an asshole
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So much rum. So many feels.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
