At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
