i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Floor bacon is actually really good
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
