We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
