Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
