seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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