2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
