I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
