Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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