I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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