Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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