put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
