you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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