I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
