Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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