Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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