I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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