it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
