My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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