Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
