During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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