Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
