I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
