I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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