Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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