Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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