I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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